Mother's Day 2009

It’s Mother’s Day!
I wanted to call you, but I don’t have the number
I remember all the old phone numbers, 7257, 4298, 3402 and 0879
But I know you won’t answer
I know we won’t be able to have the conversations we used to have
Not the ones in recent years where I did all of the talking, repeating the same information with each conversation and during each conversation
Not the earlier ones, before Alzheimer’s, when there was give and take, when there were questions and answers, when there was sadness and laughter, when there was love expressed and silently known
I remember those calls.

It’s Mother’s Day!
I wanted to send you a card and flowers, but I don’t have the address
I remember all the old addresses, 5508, 5961, 9505 and 1554
But I know you aren’t there
I know you won’t be able to smile at the card and smell the flowers with delight
Not the way you did in recent years when you were able to appreciate them over and over not remembering that you had seen them moments before
Not the earlier ways, before Alzheimer’s, when you would call with joy in your voice, when you would express your appreciation, when you would speak of your own mother and how you missed her, when there was love expressed and silently known
I remember those times

It’s Mother’s Day!
I wanted to tell you that I love you, but I don’t know how
I remember all of the times that I did tell you
But I know those ways don’t work now
I know that you won’t be able to hear or see me, or to feel my love
Not the way you did in recent years when you were able to say “I love you with my life” and I was able to repeat those words to you.
Not the earlier ways, before Alzheimer’s, when I brought you the child’s hand drawn cards, when I made you the youngster’s breakfasts, when I bought you the teenager’s presents, when I sent you the young adult’s flowers, when I shared with you the father’s stories
I remember those ways

It’s Mother’s Day!
I wanted to do so much that I know I can no longer do
But I know that on this first Mother’s Day that you are not here to share
I still can have the conversations with the part of you that is a part of me
I still can see the beauty of the world through your eyes
I still can appreciate all I have with the lessons that you taught
I still can love my memories of you
I still can love my family “with my life”
And that is the best way to honor you on this Mother’s Day
As I remember you.